painful developments

April 6, 2016 § Leave a comment

This morning my sister-in-law is in hospital recovering from a stroke and we are awaiting results from tests to find out why my mother is having problems with stomach upset. Having these two stalwart women in such vulnerable and fragile condition upsets the family system. My family operates on a set of conditions that everyone who wants to feel included in the family system is required to agree to:

Condition 1 – Never, ever, ever admit to feeling ashamed, afraid, angry, sad, lonely, lost, discouraged, disappointed or any emotion that would make you openly appear weak;

Condition 2 – Always, always, always, appear strong and in control of your emotions;

Condition 3 – Do not cry where anyone can see you;

Condition 4 – You are only allowed to share feelings of happiness and triumph with other family members and in public;

Condition 5 – Never, ever, ever talk about the past if it involves sharing real events and real feelings of shame, fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, lostness, discouragement, disappointment, or any emotion where you felt weak, overpowered or out of control;

Condition 6 – Never, ever, ever admit that anxiety or depression actually exist as something that could be part of any family members’ experience;

Condition 7 – Music is more important than anything;

Condition 8 – Having a music gig on your calendar is the highest expression of human accomplishment;

Condition 9 – Musical talent and skill are the most important qualities and characteristics to develop in life;

Condition 10 – Family relationships are extremely important as long as you agree to the aforementioned conditions;

Condition 11 – If you don’t comply with the aforementioned conditions it is acceptable, as a family, to shun a family member, invalidate their point of view, invalidate their feelings, and tell them how they should live their lives according to the aforementioned conditions;

Condition 12 – Never, ever, ever discuss the family conditions, as they do not really exist, the same way an entire realm of human emotion and thought do also not exist.


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