making progress

April 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

I spent last evening with my two granddaughters and my daughter. I don’t c them very often, so it was nice to hang out with them. My daughter and I share a painful, traumatized history. We haven’t processed all that emotion to bring us current. There is always a guarded feeling when we get together. I appreciate that she supports her daughters forming a new relationship with me. We are not guarded together at all and it is a relief.

So much has happened in the last 24 hours. My sister in law is in hospital recovering from a stroke and my mother is going in for tests today to diagnose an upset stomach that has been bothering her for a couple of weeks. Both of these cases highlight how fragile life is and how much we cannot control or predict.

My response in all these situations has been to let the love flow. I seem to be growing out of my resentment and discouragement that my family members are not my ideal friends. This is my family. We did not choose each other, and yet we are in relationship with each other for the rest of our lives. I can choose how and when I engage with them. I have re-instated all the email connections to stay in the loop with new information coming forward.

My family has this very weird culture when it comes to family emergency or crisis. They have adopted this plan that there will be one designated person who will serve as the communications officer for the family in crisis. This person will post broadcast bulletins to update the family as to new information. The idea is that the family in crisis would not want to actual talk to anyone else in the family, that would put too much of a burden on the family in crisis. That they should want to talk about what is going on, how they feel, what they are doing, any questions they may have, ask for help, etc. The message implied in this arrangement is that the family in crisis would be unduly taxed if they had to talk to family members individually. I don’t know. It seems strange to me. I understand the efficiency of setting up a communications officer, I don’t understand the relational or connective efficacy of such an arrangement. And, if it became a necessity, that too many people were calling in and there needed to be a break, then it would make sense to take such a step. But surely that would come after the actual problem had arisen?

Anyway, I just ignore the chain of command and call until I get through. I actually want a personal relationship with my family. I know. Weird, right?


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