taking steps

March 15, 2016 § Leave a comment

This last incident with my oldest brother has been the final straw. I have put a new rule on my email that will block all email coming from family members other than my own children. I have left facebook and no longer monitor posts from family members there. I still have to block their emails on my phone and iPad. I think I actually have to go onto my mail server and block them there so they just don’t show up anywhere.

I recounted to my husband last night recent incidents – within recent memory – that have happened with each of my family members that have been hurtful and harmful to me. It was not difficult. I did not have to search far for these uncomfortable or disrespectful moments. Each incident was a good enough reason to end relations with these people. Coupled with this history of patterns of disrespect and disregard, is the fact that there is no place in this family for discussing issues or solving problems. It is just not done. There is no opportunity to actually talk about what is going on and see if there might be a way to improve things. That just does not happen. It is not part of the culture. So these incidents happen and there is not way to revisit, debrief, or discuss lessons learned.

I have taken this step before in my life, I have cut off ties with my family because I found staying connected was too expensive for my mental and emotional health. This time feels different because… I am 60 years old! I am just too old for this nonsense anymore. My family is a toxic system of relationships that are predicated on a delusion of exceptionalism and megalomaniacal pursuit for fame and fortune through music. I have been taking baby steps toward my own musical expression outside this pervasive, crushing family obsession. The only way I am going to find my voice is to continue to build a place for myself that is not constantly invaded by their insanity.

So my next step is to actually go to my mail server and institute an email filter that will delete any email from family members. It isn’t going to take much to set this boundary. Its not as if they seek me out for communication. Really the only time they make contact with me is to make sure I attend to fill in the picture at their annoying events.

Yes. I am hurt and I am angry. I miss not having a family that I can trust, that I can feel secure, that I can share my life journey with. But that is all. And I have reached the end of my tether with this whole family system of dysfunction packaged as ‘normal’.

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