October 9, 2008 § Leave a comment
I give myself permission to write my way into some semblance of coherence as I tackle this next phase of my program. It helps to think that I am communicating with someone, even if it is only my other selves, all waiting, wondering who is going to be called on next to step up and perform. I can’t believe how well the session went yesterday. Those three categories that emerged through the process: subjectivities, methodologies, questions. So perfectly capture my moment, where I am, what I am looking at, what I am researching, what I am teaching. I feel bad for the student who feels so lost. I must respond to his email, even as I resent his lostness, and suspect it as a ruse to cover over his own disengagement from his program, or from my class. But it is perfect. Because what he is feeling so perfectly encapsulates where many of us are right now. Just give me something concrete, something sure, something familiar that I can hang onto. But that certainty eludes us. Everywhere we look we are confronted with complexity, ambiguity and contradictions. Was it always this way? Can we only see it now because we are able to see it?